Solitude

I've been feeling better physically during the past few days. I've been in the house for what seems to be a very long time. It isn't a good feeling really. That's why being unemployed drives people nuts. There haven't been any games as such - no targets, not much activity, no aims and therefore achievements. I have felt quite alone. I've seen a couple of mates, and people have called on the telephone, but it's not the same as having a companion. I think I'm too much of a thinker, I have this idea of a perfect partner that probably doesn't exist. It reminds me of my favorite poem:

The Young Man in April

In the queer light, in twilight,
In April of the year,
I meet a thousand women,
But I never meet my Dear.
Yet each of them has something,
A turn of neck or knee,
A line of breast or shoulder,
That brings my Dear to me.

One has a way of swaying,
I'd swear to anywhere;
One has a laugh, and one a hat,
And one a trick of hair;
-Oh, glints and hints and gestures,
When shall I find complete
The Dear that's walking somewhere,
The Dear I've yet to meet?

Rupert Brooke, May 1913

I hope I don't meet a girl called April, but whats the chances of that. Anyway, I love that poem. It's almost like I covet the feeling of loneliness really. I think it's got to do with the idea that things are either abundant or scarce. If you're in love with a girl, and she is the "only one", then you will hold on to all those feelings even though they drive you crazy. I can let go now. There are something like 5 Billion people on earth, and only one of them is right for you? Hhmmm.