The Magic of Christmas Day

As the clock struck 8:30 my eyes opened to behold a wonderful Christmas morn. Excitement welled inside providing an irresistible impetus to jump out of bed. I clambered down stairs like a man who was about to blow heading for the toilet. I anxiously yet excitedly turned the door knob and tremulously began to push. What would I see, what miracles were performed during this sacred night? The door began to drift open as I let the handle go leaving a panoramic view of the sitting room. F*ck all. Nowt. Well, just a mess really. What a b*stard. Santa never came YET AGAIN! How much of a "good boy" do you have to be? I've been trying hard but it's obviously getting nowhere. I'm going to have to write yet another letter. I'm sick of this like.